How To Be a Friend Even When You Don’t Know How
From someone who’s trying to be a good friend
“Friendship is the hardest thing in the world to explain. It’s not something you learn in school. But if you haven’t learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven’t learned anything.” — Muhammad Ali
There comes a time in our lives when we’re faced with a situation that we just don’t know how to deal with much less navigate safely without creating a mess.
Even worse is when it’s something happening to your close friend.
When you see them overwhelmed with their issue and all the words you seem to say don’t really make much sense or at least you seem to think that way.
You want to do more but you just don’t know how. It’s moments like these that make you feel small because of your inability to help however best way you could.
But sometimes being a friend is knowing when to give your friend space.
It can be hard accepting that you can’t really do much. But being there, showing compassion. Sometimes that’s all that’s needed from you.
Ask them about their feelings. And then, just listen without any judgment.
Asking someone “how are you doing?” shows that you care. It shows that person that you’re here and you want to know what’s happening with them. Listening attentively rather than interrupting or offering your opinions is the following step.
Sometimes, just being heard gives the other person a sense of relief. You could ask simple follow-up questions like, “What’s it feel like?” or “What’s been on your mind while you’re going through this?” These show that you genuinely are interested in knowing how they are and also feel comfortable hearing the truth.
You’re Not Alone, I’m Right Here For You
The strength in these words is profound. Being able to let your dear and near friend that you are there for them, willing to listen and dry their tears, can mean the world to someone going through the worst time ever.
Simply being present, caring, and showing non-judgment can make a huge difference in how they feel and cope with their situation or circumstance. Even if you think you’re unable to do much. Your presence at that moment is more than enough.
Be Kind To Yourself
When someone is going through hell, they may feel as though the world is ending and just utterly frustrated with everything and everyone. They can also resort to beating themselves up or not allowing themselves a minute of pardon from the issue.
It’s during this time that you need to remind your friend that tough times are easier when we’re kind to ourselves. Let them know that they are allowed some time off from their problem to have a laugh, to treat themselves, and to be around those that they love. Relieving stress from the situation they are facing may help them to come back to the challenge with a new set of eyes making them ready to tackle it from a different angle.
Well Done, You’re Doing The Best You Can
It can be difficult for them to hear it, but validating their efforts especially when they’re having a miserable time can make all the difference in their day. If your friend is struggling, they may not accept their own efforts and hard work.
But giving them praise helps make them feel appreciated and cared about. That they aren’t alone while they’re going through this difficult time and that you are right there by their side reminding them of what a good job they’re doing.
Don’t Try to Solve Their Problem
It may be more important to know that someone is being heard rather than being shoved with suggestions and possible solutions. You should ask your friend if they know what they want to do next. How they want to go about things.
Give them space to think and breathe so they can come up with how to best handle the problem themselves.
Sometimes, inside ourselves, we have all the resources we need just waiting to be tapped into. A simple “If you want to tell me more, I’m here to listen” is more than enough. The rest is best left to their expert self.
“If you can do nothing else, do whatever is in your power to make the people in your life feel completely unashamed of who they are.” ― Sam Killermann
Right now, I’m trying to remember these points right as I face the crippling inability to do something and just be there. Sometimes, although accepting that as difficult as it may be — just being there is more than enough.
Until next time, friends.
Have an awesome day! ❤
